I haven’t been able to stop sneezing since Sam left for school this morning. Swordfish was in the bathroom for an exceptionally long time today. When he came out, something about him was different. He had put on a clean shirt, brushed his teeth and had even washed his hair (without me begging)! I knew something was up. This was not the same kid who had gone to bed last night.
Then, I smelled it. Who couldn’t? I was overcome and almost knocked out by a horrific odor permeating throughout his bedroom. I was bowled-over by the musty, sweet scent of cheap cologne. All four of my dogs were begging to be let outside for fresh air! The odor had taken over the entire house. It was hard for me to restrain myself from questioning him about it before he left for school.
Yesterday, he and a group of his friends were together to watch the Superbowl. At halftime, they couldn’t have cared less about an aging broad dancing and voguing. The boys were more interested in the chicken wings and pizza and sharing their secrets on how to attract girls.
The secret weapon of attraction happened to be located at our local CVS drugstore. Before my husband took the boys home, they asked him if he wouldn’t mind stopping there so they could pick something up. Since it was on the way, my husband agreed. While he was waiting in the car, the boys did their shopping.
This morning, after Sam left for school, I discovered the “weapon.” It was perched on the bathroom counter in a large, cheap, neon-colored bottle. Apparently it is THE new Teen Love Potion that all the girls adore. I can only pity the poor teachers who have my son and his friends in their classrooms today. Probably the entire eighth grade class of boys have all discovered and bought a lifetime supply of this stuff and have slathered it on this morning. It doesn’t take long for word to get out on what’s hot in the love department.
One whiff of this powerful elixir and you’ll have a major migraine for the entire day. Opening a window or two still doesn’t help. I tried, and the smell just lingered. It has a mind of it’s own and doesn’t leave!!! It has soaked into my every pore. I can’t escape from it. It’s ALIVE I tell you, ALIVE!!
This is a sensitive area between a mother and son and I don’t want to embarass him. So, for now, I’ll just lay low and try to act cool…if I could only stop sneezing.
{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }
First of all, BLESS YOU! Second LOL. There was a boy I had a crush on in the eighth grade who sometimes wore his dad’s aftershave, I found it alluring. I was a shy, demure girl at that age and boys intimidated the heck out of me. You are one brazen chick to refer to Madonna as “an aging broad” Her majesty could have you hanging from the gallows for that one. Madonna is above mortality and morality!!
We have all been there. Every generation can understand what it feels like to have to go through the transition from child to pre adult. It isn’t easy at the time. Only when you look back does it become somewhat funny and nostolgic. Lots of painful feelings from my teen past still haunt me . Even today, I sometimes feel like that fumbling kid whose body didn’t fit my mind. Now that I am full grown, I would give a lot to go back to those days and relive what I thought was the worst years of my life. If only I knew then what I know now. But, that’s Life. Maybe in the next one.
Cheers!!!!
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